Pick-up artist to help Victorians score
By David Karp
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Are you having trouble getting laid? Have no fear—Docandwriter will be here.
Docandwriter, who uses a fake name to protect his identity, is a lifestyle coach in Vancouver. He helps clients—he says 95 per cent are men—have more success with the opposite sex.
After a stint as an actor and singer, Docandwriter decided to study relationships. “I found that there was actually a secret society—a community of guys—who study relationships and how to attract women,” he said. Now, he’s been coaching for just over a year.
“What I’m really focused on teaching is stuff that’s not unknown. It’s not secret. It’s stuff that Casanova or Don Juan or the great seducers have been doing way before the last century.”
Many of his clients, who range from teenagers to 47-year-old businessmen, are embarrassed to admit they have difficulty with the opposite sex, which is one of the reasons Docandwriter uses a fake name. “It’s kind of like Alcoholics Anonymous,” he said of his courses, “but not for alcohol. It’s for dating.” Many of his clients don’t tell people they’ve sought help.
Docandwriter conducts courses to help clients meet the opposite sex. He also runs courses that help get them in bed. “You really have to have a plan in mind. You need to know what you’re doing and how you’re able to affect the other person.”
Docandwriter boasts that he’s never had a failure amongst his students. “There’s one guy I’m coaching currently who couldn’t even look you in the eye when he spoke to you. He was really shy and scared of people. And now he’s out there meeting women.”
The pick-up coach says there are two ways to approach women. He calls one way the “indirect method,” where the subject approaches a woman and attempts to have a conversation in order to find similarities between himself and the woman, all while pretending he isn’t really interested in her.
“The reason why this works is because women have an automatic shield against getting picked up,” Docandwriter said.
But he prefers the direct method, where the subject approaches a woman and tells her up front that he is interested in her. “The direct way is a bit more honest,” said Docandwriter. “From there, she gets to decide whether she wants to proceed or not.”
On the personal front, Docandwriter is not looking to settle down anytime soon, after an “almost marriage” nine years ago.
“I do have a girlfriend. Actually, I should qualify that—I have three girlfriends,” Docandwriter said, adding that they all know about each other.
According to the pick-up artist, it’s conversation and how you take care of yourself that matters most. “Brad Pitt—he’s a great looking guy and everyone loves him. But the first two years in L.A., before he got famous, he couldn’t get a date to save his life,” he said. “So it’s not a matter of looks. It’s how you make someone else feel. You have to really listen and care about what they think. The only way this works is when you see that woman as a person in front of you.”
But on his website, which features scantily-clad women, Docandwriter uses words such as “the game” to describe meeting women, and a testimonial boasts that Docandwriter “has without a doubt the tightest day game of ANY I have seen. Every girl he opened was HB8+.” HB is an acronym for hot babe, in this case a minimum of eight on a scale from one to 10.
“A lot of this lingo has been around for a long time, which is why I use it,” he said. “In the community that I’m from, this is the language that we use.
“It only demeans women if you’re being mean to women and your intention is to demean women.”
Despite the fees he charges, Docandwriter doesn’t feel he is exploiting anyone. “If you think about consultants who charge $1,000 an hour to consult for Donald Trump, there’s really no difference,” he said. “Except that instead of real estate, we’re talking about dating.”
Noreen Begoray, a sociology professor at UVic, says there is an ethical problem with coaching people to pick up women. “Getting a coach to teach men how to communicate better with women in order to pick them up is the problem, not the solution,” she said.
According to Begoray, people have difficulty communicating with the opposite sex because “girls and boys often learn different communication styles from a very young age. Other people and the media continually suggest what is appropriate for men and women.”
Wendy Lum is a registered clinical counselor with UVic Counselling Services. Over 500 people come to Counselling Services each year with relationship or friendship issues. Last year, 246 people visited with social isolation and anxiety problems.
Lum said that problems with relationships normally stem from within. “I usually will look at their relationships in their families. A lot of times, I have students who were bullied or teased as children.”
She stresses that a strong self-esteem is the most important factor for success in love. “You can’t really love another person until you love yourself,” she said.
Lum helps people with all sorts of difficulties, including picking up women. But she says it’s not her job to judge clients’ lifestyles. “I’ll check with people what their intention is. If they want to pick up lots of people, that’s they’re choice,” said Lum.
“But I might say, ‘Is there any cost to do that? Can you look at yourself in the mirror?’”
Docandwriter will be teaching Seduction Level 1 in downtown Victoria on Feb. 11 and 12 for a cost of $550. More information is available at www.seductionboard.com. UVic Counselling Services offers free counselling to students year-round.